


break

by sunflower_8



Series: saihara-hinata drabbles [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Difficult Relationship, Fuck Vulnerability, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, not cathartic, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:13:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23692930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: hinata nods, his hand clenched. “fuck vulnerability.”“fuck vulnerability.”they stay there for a moment. quiet. alone.(or, two burned-out men think about god, beer bottles, relationships, and lives doomed to end)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Saihara Shuichi, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: saihara-hinata drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759612
Comments: 6
Kudos: 93





	break

**Author's Note:**

> don't hurt yourself.
> 
> please.
> 
> reach out. people will listen.

“what’s the fucking point?”

saihara sighs, looking at his companion through bleary eyes. hinata is laying against the dirt, his hands in fists and his face paler than usual. beside him is an empty beer bottle, which saihara doesn’t question. he isn’t exactly shocked that his acquaintance is an alcoholic.

he figures he owes the other a response, no matter how lackluster it may be. so quietly, he replies, “there isn’t any. unless you believe in god. i don’t.”

“i believe he has it fucking out for me.” he runs his hands through his hair, sitting up and ripping grass out angrily from the ground. he rolls his eyes-- at what, saihara can’t discern-- and he continues, “but i don’t think he’s actually there. he can’t be, because why would he-  _ dammit _ !” he suddenly yells for no apparent reason. he presses his forehead against his knee, and saihara figures out quickly that he’s crying.

he doesn’t try to console him.

“i have everything i could possibly need in life,” saihara muses. “i have a boyfriend and a lot of wonderful friends. i don’t understand why i’m still in pain.”

“because god fucking hates you,” hinata blurts out.

saihara nods. “yeah.”

“god fucking hates all of us.”

“yeah.”

“nagito and i got into an argument,” the brunet laughs to himself. it lacks humor, mirth, happiness. “i was being a selfish asshole and he was freaking out over not having a job. and i  _ told  _ him, don’t get a fucking job, it’ll be more trouble than it’s worth, and he started getting passive aggressive. and i fucking snapped and i told him that  _ i _ had to do everything, that i’m always doing shit for  _ him _ when he does nothing for me, and that’s not fucking true, saihara, so why would i say that?” hinata’s voice cracks.

“you wanted to hurt him.” saihara guesses. “i, ah, do the same with kokichi. sometimes. it’s complicated. i don’t want to discuss it.”

“you never discuss this shit.” hinata looks at saihara, so he breaks eye contact. there’s resentment and sympathy in his green eyes that he can’t take in. “i’m always bitching and rambling and you say nothing. do you know how shitty that makes me feel?”

“i’m sorry.” he isn’t. “keep talking about your boyfriend.”

hinata scoffs. “fine.  _ fine.”  _ he closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “so he got fucking sad and so i left, got some beer, came back. he did some shit to himself while i was gone, so i fucking cleaned up the shit and tucked him in and kissed his forehead and i had a goddamn panic attack. and now i’m here.”

“you should go back, hinata.”

“i told my brother to look over him. my brother, in case you didn’t know-” it’s the first time he’s been mentioned- “is fucking perfect. he’s off studying law, visiting for a week and i put this shit on him, and here i am, sitting on my ass and making my boyfriend panic.”

“you didn’t make him panic-”

he glares at saihara. “yeah, my bad, it wasn’t  _ my fault,  _ because all loving boyfriends call their significant others a fucking  _ leech _ .”

saihara closes his eyes. “maybe break up with him.”

“saihara-”

“you two are hurting each other.”

hinata falls quiet for a long, long minute. and then, in a steady, calm voice, he says, “saihara. what you fail to understand is that nagito is the only reason i’m alive. he’s my happiness. my safety. i’m going to fucking marry him. and if i  _ broke up with him- _ ”

“-he’d kill himself.”

“i-” hinata starts before stopping himself. he nods slowly. “yeah. pretty much.”

“and what would you do if he broke up with you?”

hinata shrugs. “i’d kill myself.”

“why?”

he looks up at the sky. saihara follows his gaze. it’s the same as always, except a little cloudless. the sun will set soon. hinata starts to stand up. “i need a reason.”

“you don’t have to have a reason.”

he looks at saihara. “are you trying to convince me to kill myself or not?”

“i’m not trying to convince you to do anything.” saihara mutters. “i’m just talking you through the same shit i think about when kokichi thinks i’m sleeping.”

silence. 

“oh.”

“you knew i was suicidal, hinata.”

“yeah.”

saihara feels tears pathetically come to his eyes. he hates this. he hates himself, hinata, everything. he wants the world to set aflame, to be consumed by it, so his mind can calm to a simple burn. “we all die anyway. and i just want to  _ fucking… _ i don’t know.” he lets out a sob and covers his mouth. “there’s no  _ point _ .”

“yeah.”

“i hate being vulnerable,” he sniffles.

hinata nods, his hand clenched. “fuck vulnerability.”

“fuck vulnerability.”

they stay there for a moment. quiet. alone. 

saihara doesn’t say a word when hinata tugs him into a hug. he sobs into his chest, wondering when everything will end. he wants it all to  _ end,  _ but he doesn’t say a fucking word because he  _ can’t _ . there’s a mournful silence for themselves that he doesn’t want to break.

hinata doesn’t break it either.

**Author's Note:**

> 91 works and so many of them are vents.
> 
> fucking hate how that works.
> 
> actual content will come. i promise. for now, enjoy another vent.
> 
> edit: renamed it.


End file.
